Marriage, kindness and its importance

By Imam Lavdrim Hamja – Kenosha, June 24, 2011

All praise is to God, Lord of the worlds, which says in the Quran“Glory is to Him, who created all things in couples.” Peace and salutation be upon our beloved Prophet, Muhammed (a.s) who said: “This is my sunnah (tradition), whoever moves away from this, he is no longer of me.” Peace and God’s salutation be upon his family, his noble companions, and upon all those who follow his path of piety until the Day of Judgment.

God with His Wisdom and Knowledge decided that continuation of life in this world is to be realized by a marriage of a man and a woman (male and female). In the Holy Quran He considers marriage among miracles and sign from His Majesties arguments saying:

ومن آياته أن خلق لكم من أنفسكم أزواجا لتسكنوا إليها وجعل بينكم مودة ورحمة إن في ذلك لآيات لقوم يتفكرون

“And among His signs, is this, He created your mates from yourselves that you may live in joy and peace with them, and He has placed love and mercy between your hearts: surely, there are signs in this for those who think.” (Rum: 21)

Also the Prophet (a.s) has told us that marriage is from his sunnah, and those who do not follow his sunnah in marriage, surely they have deviated from his path. Listen carefully how the Prophet (a.s) rebuked some of his companions, while they thought they were doing good, but they were doing wrong, because they decided to leave or move away from human nature that God created.

)أنتم الذين قلتم كذا وكذا أما والله إني لأخشاكم لله وأتقاكم له لكني أصوم وأفطر وأصلي وأرقد وأتزوج النساء فمن رغب عن سنتي فليس مني(

He said: “You are those who have said so and so? By Allah, I am the most pious from among you to God, and I fear Him more than you do! I fast, but also eat. I pray at night, and I sleep, but also I am married. Whoever leaves my sunnah, hi is not from me.” (Buhariu & Muslim)

Respected brothers and sisters, God created everything and perfected it. He has decided as how mankind should live on this earth and any deviation from His laws will cause problems and disorder on earth and on its inhabitants.

In these modern times there are widespread disorder and deviant behaviors on people lives so low that we don’t even find them in other creatures. Therefore, marriage in Islam is not only marriage between two young people, but it is a conviction and execution of God’s order and it is the practice of the Prophets tradition as well.

وَلَقَدْ أَرْسَلْنَا رُسُلاً مِنْ قَبْلِكَ وَجَعَلْنَا لَهُمْ أَزْوَاجاً وَذُرِّيَّةً)(الرعد: من الآية38)

“And indeed, We did send messengers before you, and gave them wives and children.” (Rad: 38)

By marrying a person receives prosperity in this world and mercy and forgiveness in the hereafter. That is why the young should be promoted towards this God’s order and they should not fear poverty because of marriage. God has promised them wealth and prosperity, to those who marry, saying:

)وَأَنْكِحُوا الْأَيَامَى مِنْكُمْ وَالصَّالِحِينَ مِنْ عِبَادِكُمْ وَإِمَائِكُمْ إِنْ يَكُونُوا فُقَرَاءَ يُغْنِهِمُ اللَّهُ مِنْ فَضْلِهِ وَاللَّهُ وَاسِعٌ عَلِيمٌ) (النور:32)

“Marry those among you who are single, and the virtuous ones among your slaves, male servants and maid servants: If they are in poverty, Allah will provide them ways out of His Grace: Allah understands all needs; He knows all things.” (Nur: 32)

Sometimes not only the young but their parents fear that they might not have material means for marriage. Those who think in this manner have forgotten God’s generous promise, which promised them endless prosperity and goodness to the newlyweds:“If they are poor, Allah will make them wealthy from His Compassion.

While the Prophet (a.s) has said:

قال النبي صلى الله عليه وسلم : (ثلاثةٌ حقٌ على الله عونهم وذكر منهم الناكح يريد العفاف)

“To three kinds of people God has guaranteed His support, among those is the one who gets married to guard his modesty.”

Ebu Bekr (r.a) has said:

وقال أبو بكرٍ الصديق رضي الله عنه أطيعوا الله فيما أمركم به من النكاح ينجز لكم ما وعدكم من الغنى :إِنْ يَكُونُوا فُقَرَاءَ يُغْنِهِمُ اللَّهُ مِنْ فَضْلِه)

“Obey Allah on that which He ordered you, getting married then He will fulfill His promise making you wealthy: “If they are poor, Allah will make them wealthy from His Compassion.”

While Umer (r.a) said:

قال عمر رضي الله عنه: (عجبت لمن لا يطلب الغنى في النكاح، والله تعالى يقول إن يكونوا فقراء يغنهم الله من فضله)

“I am shocked with those does not acquire wealth in marriage. Does not God say: “If they are poor, Allah will make them wealthy from His Compassion?”

Listen carefully as to what high place the marriage has in Islam. The Prophet (a.s) has considered the marriage to be a completeness of half of religion, therefore, with marriage muslim are considered to have completed half of their religion.

قال رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم :إذا تزوج العبد فقد استكمل نصف الدين فليتق الله في النصف الباقي . ) حديث حسن (

“When a person gets married, he or she has completed half of religion, then fear God in the other half of it.” (Hadith hasen)

Marriage is a process to keep mankind and society pure and clean. It serves to prevent many crimes, especially against women when every day we hear bitter news of them being assaulted and used in markets. That is why the Prophet (a.s) calls on the young people to get married saying:

وقال النبي صلى الله عليه وسلم (يا معشر الشباب من استطاع منكم الباءة فليتزوج فإنه أغض للبصر وأحصن للفرج، ومن لم يستطع فعليه بالصوم فإنه له وجاء)

“O you young! If you are able to marry, marry, because it protects the eyes and protects your honor. Whoever does not have the means, let him fast, because that will protect you.”(Buhariu & Muslim from Ibn Mesud)

After we talked about the virtues of marriage, now let’s talk about how the young should view this before they get married. Because marriage is an important step in the life of a person, where he or she have decided to find their companion in this world’s life journey.

Our beloved Prophet (a.s) said:

ففي الحديث ( تنكح المراة على احدى خصال لجمالها ومالها وخلقها ودينها فعليك بذات الدين والخلق تربت يمينك ) رواه احمد باسناد صحيح وابن حبان تنكح المرأة لأربع لمالها ولجمالها ولحسبها ولدينها فاظفر بذات الدين تربت يداك ) متفق عليه

“For the marriage of a woman is seen: Beauty, wealth, morals and her faith. Choose the one with high morals and religious so you may be saved.” (Ahmed, Ibn Hibani)

In another transmits: “In the marriage of a woman four things are looked at: Wealth, beauty, her ancestry and her religion. Choose the one who is religious so you may be saved.” (Buhariu & Muslim)

Also the Prophet (a.s) says about the boy, what marries him:

وقد قال صلى الله عليه وسلم: ” إذا جاءكم من ترضون دينه وخلقه فزوجوه إلا تفعلوه تكن فتنة في الأرض وفساد كبير ” رواه الترمذي وغيره.

“If someone comes to you, in whom you like their religion and his morality then marry him. If you don’t act in such a manner, then on earth shall be unrest and havoc.” (Buhariu & Muslim)

Some of the young, and many of their parents, in marriage they look for wealth, beauty and ancestry of the groom or the bride, while the religion and the morals are left and forgotten in the last. As a result we see how humankind is reduced to this level. Only few months go by then leads the couple to divorce. That is why the primary reason of divorce is the weak link of faith or religion. That is why be careful when selecting a bride or a groom, so do not covet on the material side, but rather look as to how pious is the bride and the groom, because that person who fears God will not do injustice to their spouse.

Respected brothers and sisters, no doubt this subject is broad and very important and it’s not enough with such a minimal speech to do just in its importance and the goodness of it. However, let us mention some hadiths of our beloved Prophet (a.s):

خيركم خيركم لأهله

“The best among you is he who is the best with his wife.”(Tirmidhi)

( أن اعظم النكاح بركة ايسره مؤنة ) ورواه احمد

“Marriage with greatest blessing is one which has fewer costs.”(Ahmedi)

( ابغض الحلال لى الله الطلاق ) رواه ابو داود وابن ماجة

“The most hated to Allah that is lawful is divorce.” (Ebu Davud & Ibn Majeh)

While Allah says:

( وعاشروهن بالمعروف فان كرهتموهن فعسى ان تكرهوا شيئا ويجعل الله فيه خيرا كثيرا)

“Live with them on a basis of kindness and justice. If you take a dislike to them, it may be that you dislike a thing, and God brings about through it a great deal of good.” (Nisa: 19)

O Allah! Forgive our sins and make us among the pious and with a good moral! Amin

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